| Updation: Weird how no one ever gets one Xanga anymore.. Damn.. Its all about the "myspace" nowdays.. I finally had a child... A little girl, named Jaydyn Alexis Evans... She is my dream, my world, my everything.. Nothing else matters.. She is something that is mine, and no one can replace that. It's emotional how something can mean that much to you, that you would put your own life up for, and do anything possible for that special person. I do love her. Very much. Other than that, life is um.. Not so good for me at this time... Having relationship problems, not the I want that, it just happens I guess. I'm hoping and praying that it gets solved and overcome, and we spend the rest of our lives together... I hate the fact that my mother is supporting me and my daughter, but I do not think that I could make it without her, and not just finacially, but mentally. With me having a child, our relationship has improved and grown so much, that I would have never expected it to amount to what it has. I have NO friends... None at all... Just associates. I have turned into my sister, and I hate that about myself. Everything that I said I would not do in my life, just that has happened, and turning into my sister has been my worse fear my entire life, and I have accomplished it. All my time and effort go to either my boyfriend or my daughter.. Which do not get me wrong, I love doing that and giving them all my time, but I really love being a social person, and having all these friends.... Now what do I do? Nothing.. I cannot regain their friendship back after "dumping" them for a guy... Something else I said that I never would do, but I fell in love, and I really didn't know what to do because I never experienced love like I did/is. It is my senior year in high school, and I have a child, basically engaged, no friends, my life revolves around my boyfriend and daughter, and I have no clue or idea what the hell I am going to major in, in college.... Oh and not to mention I have to go to Madisonville because I cannot move off like I intended to do.. My wish since I was little was to go to Ole Miss in Mississippi... It will not happen. I that I do regret. I miss my old life, although I would not changed anything in my life except possibly waiting on having a child, but she is far from a mistake... I wanted my last updation to be something memorable to my life, and remembering how much of a struggle I was in, and what where some of the ideas and topics bothering my mind, that needed to be expressed and writing down. So the time is currently 1:28 AM, on Febuary 15, 2007. In remembrance... Sincerely, Carrie LeighAnn Payne |
